Need to do something? Get something done? Stop trying to fight yourself into feeling motivated first. Instead of trying to change your feelings, put your energy into taking action. I’m not saying it’s easy, but it’s definitely easier this way. More in the video and article below.
So, here I sit at my keyboard, wanting to write this article, but finding myself completely lacking in motivation. I know in theory why I want to do it, but my brain, energy levels, and interest are shouting at me pretty convincingly right now that I really, really don’t feel like it…and that I therefore shouldn’t even try.
Yet despite all these thoughts and feelings I’m having right now, here I also find myself already into a second paragraph. I’ve managed to direct what little energy I have right now to get me sitting down, opening this document, and moving my fingers around the keyboard so as to make words appear. Words I’ll surely edit later, but the point is: I’m doing the thing, instead of sitting here staring at the screen while trying to make myself feel like doing the thing.
I don’t always succeed at this. No, let’s be more accurate: I frequently fail to do this. Why? Because like you, I’m human. And my brain is similar to yours. And I’ve been brought up constantly hearing, implicitly and explicitly, that in order to take action, I need to feel like it first. And so that’s the paradigm that’s become most instinctive.
When I actually do feel like doing a thing, that thing is waaaay more fun to do. So when my inside world doesn’t align with what I know I need or want to do, quite often I just….don’t.
Especially when it’s something I’m stressed, intimidated, confused, apprehensive, or nervous about. Or something that the mere thought of immediately makes my whole body feel tired.
Not only do I often not do the thing, but what frequently follows are some less-than-kind, critical judgments of myself. Which certainly doesn’t get me any closer to doing the thing. Alternatively, I reach for the nearest escape or distraction, and welcome the warm embrace of procrastination.
The trap I easily fall into is that I go to work, but in the wrong direction. I go to work on trying to reason with myself, out-think my physical feelings, wrestle my emotions into submission, and convince myself that thinking a lot about doing a thing before doing it is a crucial and productive step. Of course, all of this just wears me down even faster.
Doesn’t stop me from trying to win this battle, though! Time and time again I find myself in an all-out, intense internal struggle to try to force my thoughts and feelings to get with the agenda. Using up precious energy trying to convince, reason with, trick, and argue myself into…you guessed it…feeling like doing what needs to be done.
Which doesn’t work.
So what does work, then?
Allocating Energy Toward Taking Action
What exactly do I mean by taking action? Just what it sounds like: making external effort, in actions and behaviors. Moving the muscles in your body to actually do something. Even when nothing on the inside lines up, when you just don’t feel like it, or when you’re not motivated. Some people also refer to this as ‘exercising will’ or developing ‘willpower.’ It can also be associated with terms like resolve, drive, and determination.
It’s conceptually simple, difficult in actual practice. But it’s less challenging than getting stuck in the energy-draining internal struggle I described above.
When it comes time to get a thing done, we’d ideally like to be thinking/feeling any or all of these things: Interest, desire, focus, confidence that we can do it, motivation, a sense of control over how it will go, optimism about how it will turn out, or belief in our abilities. And when those things are present internally, it’s definitely MUCH easier to take action and move in the direction of what we want or need to do.
Related: (VIDEO) Explaining Psychological Flexibility: The Bus Metaphor
When those feelings aren’t available in a given moment, however, and we still need to do something, that’s where we benefit from the skill of dropping the struggle with our internal world, and directing our attention and energy instead toward taking action. Allowing whatever thoughts and feelings are or are not there, internally, and then acting. Taking steps. Getting started.
I’m not suggesting our thoughts and feelings are inconsequential nor advocating that simply ignoring them makes taking action easy. It’s absolutely more difficult to take action when none of the ‘right’ thoughts and feelings are present, and even more difficult when all the ‘wrong’ ones show up instead. Crucially, I’m also not advocating for ignoring your limits and forcing action when the healthier choice is giving yourself permission to cut back somewhere, take a break, or ask for help.
How to Develop the Skill of Taking Action
I use the word ‘skill’ here intentionally. This ability to act in the direction of what we want/need to do, whether or not our inside world lines up with that action, increases the more we develop it. Some have suggested that willpower is like a muscle that gains strength as it’s exercised. Others talk about a sort of psychological ‘muscle memory’ that grows the more we accumulate experiences with this.
Instead of trying to create the internal conditions you think you need in order to do something you value, care about, or need to do, focus instead on taking actual committed steps, with your external behaviors, toward that thing:
- Identify the simplest or most immediate thing you can actually do and start with that.
- Along the way, briefly notice and observe any unaligned thoughts/feelings (for example, the ones screaming at you that you don’t feel like it). Try to allow them as they are.
- Rather than battling with these, focus your efforts outward, in the direction of what you want/need to do.
- And then act. Move your body. Engage your behaviors, and bring your feelings along for the ride.
- It can also help to remind yourself why you’re doing this thing, what it is that matters about it to you, or how it will help you move toward the kind of life you want to have and the kind of person you want to be.
Not easy, by any stretch. But easier than staying perpetually stuck in procrastination spirals. Easier than the exhausting battle of trying to think yourself into feeling energetic and motivated.
If You Want to Practice Taking Action in a Structured Way:
Reflect on your life and what matters to you, and find something that you know you want or need to do. Identify an activity or task related to this that can be broken into regular intervals and scheduled daily. Make sure it’s concretely defined and framed in terms of actions you can take, and narrow enough in scope that it can actually be accomplished.
If you want to add a level of challenge, pick something you already know you will have a hard time getting yourself to do. It can help to schedule it at a consistent time and place each day, if that’s possible.
Next, write it down somewhere so you don’t forget. And resolve to commit to doing whatever it is you’ve decided on, every day for the next week. Right about here you might even get a little extra burst of motivation, but don’t worry, that probably won’t last very long.
And then the hard part: Do the thing, every day, at the time you are supposed to do it.
While doing so, mindfully and flexibly notice whatever shows up in your inner world: thoughts, distracting internal feelings, impulses, physical sensations…any and all of it. And once you’ve noticed and acknowledged those, return your awareness and attention, each time, to the actions and behaviors you are engaging in.
Finally, record a bit of what you learned from your practice. Or find someone you can tell about what you experienced. This helps further cement in place the results of the efforts you’re making.
What You’re Likely to Learn from Exercising your Will in this Way
Since none of this is a trick to magically shift your feelings toward enthusiastic motivation, you’re frequently going to find this challenging. In fact, that’s kind of the point. At other times you might be fortunate to notice that what needs to be done matches up with your internal feelings and you feel motivated. Enjoy that when it happens, but commit to doing what is needed even when it doesn’t work that way.
You are going to see just how hard it can be at times to focus attention on doing an activity and taking action. Things will come up that distract or get in the way of your plan, or you may feel too tired, or unmotivated, or perhaps you may even feel uneasy or tense.
But you’re also going to see what you’re capable of when you stop fighting your thoughts and feelings. You’re going to be taking actual action, learning how to focus on what you can actually control in the moment. Afterward, you may even feel satisfied, content, self-disciplined, or energized. However it is that you feel, keep doing the thing, every day.
This will help you develop more strength and confidence in your will, that ability to take action in valued directions even when–maybe precisely when–you least feel like it.
How Therapy Can Help You Strengthen your Ability to Take Action
The ability to do what we know we ultimately need or want to do is hard enough for anyone who’s human. It tends to be even more challenging (for good reasons!) for people who are experiencing significant psychological distress and mental health concerns. High levels of internal suffering can catch a person in a compounding struggle that pulls them further and further away from the things they could be doing to restore health or promote positive growth.
For example, anxiety can easily pose what feels like insurmountable obstacles in the form of unrelenting worries and what-ifs. Body image concerns and long-entrenched feelings about food can keep a person from directing their actions toward fueling their body adequately. Athletes and others with performance issues can get stuck in a downward spiral of internal struggle. We at Full Color Psychology also specialize in helping people clarify and move toward values after faith transitions or other existential crises, when overwhelming and destabilizing feelings feel paralyzing.
If this is something you’d like some help with, feel free to reach out to us with questions or to inquire about our therapy services.
Photo by Anastasia Lashkevich
