Chances are you’ve already heard plenty about mindfulness. Problem is, there’s so much saturation of the topic that it’s often presented in inaccurate or unhelpful ways, and it’s easy to misunderstand what the skill can offer. In the video I clarify core ingredients and misconceptions of mindfulness, and in the article below you’ll find instructions for practicing the skill.
Have you ever sat down to a meal, finished it a few minutes later, and then realized you have no idea how it tasted?
Have you ever driven somewhere and then realized you had no memory of the trip?
Do you think you should have complete and total control over what you think and feel?
Do you label certain thoughts or feelings as wrong and judge yourself for having them?
Or do you find yourself reflexively reacting to certain thoughts and feelings before you even have a chance to choose how you’d like to respond?
If so, practicing the psychological flexibility that we call Mindfulness could be helpful for you. In fact, there probably aren’t many people who couldn’t benefit in some way from developing this skill.
How’s Your Relationship with Your Brain?
The human mind is super sophisticated and complex. It can generate a constant flow of internal information in the way of thoughts, feelings, memories, urges, physical sensations, and more. Externally, the world we live in provides more than enough stuff for our attention. How do we manage all this internal flow of stuff, and still be present for what’s happening externally?
Related: (VIDEO) Explaining Psychological Flexibility: Surfing Metaphor
This is where the skill of mindfulness has something significant to offer. At its essence, mindfulness is the skill of being more flexibly aware without being as automatically reactive to the mind. In fact, it’s useful to think of it as a different way for us to relate to our own minds.
With mindfulness, we can develop a more flexible relationship with our minds, so that we can better navigate that constant flow of internal information and not get as constantly caught up in it mindlessly. When we do that, we also get better at being more present for the life that’s happening right in front of us, or for the things that matter most to us.
Common Misconceptions About Mindfulness
One roadblock is that there are a lot of misconceptions swirling out there about what mindfulness is, and what it can do for you. I encounter them frequently as a mental health professional. Here are a few clarifications that may help you better understand mindfulness.
➤ Mindfulness is not a default state of our brains. We have to work at this just like we have to work to develop any other skill.
➤ Mindfulness is not relaxation. In fact, practicing mindfulness can be pretty hard, sometimes it’s like going to the gym for your brain and doing some exercise. Relaxation is a physical state, mindfulness is a mental skill. It could be that as a result of mindfulness practice you might experience some moments of peace and calm, but that’s a side benefit.
➤ Mindfulness is not a way to control thoughts and feelings! This is a VERY common misconception, that it’s about turning off your brain or eliminating thoughts and feelings. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. It’s opening up non-judgmentally to all thoughts and feelings, observing them and letting them be as they are, and then directing our attention to where we want it to be.
➤ Mindfulness is not a trick to avoid the suffering and pain that life sometimes brings. It might be a way to manage those more effectively, but it is not a magic trick to make them go away.
➤ And lastly, when you meditate or do structured exercises (like the ones below) to work on mindfulness…that’s not mindfulness itself, it’s the way to train your brain to develop mindfulness. Enough practice of the skill gets you to the point where it starts showing up in your life, in lived moments–THAT’S where you’ll be mindful. Running on the treadmill isn’t ‘cardiovascular health,’ it’s an exercise to help you develop cardiovascular health.
How Do I Develop the Skill of Mindfulness?
Here are the basics of a mindfulness exercise. You’ll benefit from any practice you can get, as this is a skill just like any other that takes repeated effort to develop. If you’re up for it, try to be consistent with it for 8 weeks or so, 10-20 minutes/day, which is enough for many people to start to see the benefits in their day-to-day lives.
1. To get started, pick a comfortable, quiet place to sit by yourself.
2. Sit comfortably and try to remove any outside distractions that you can control (eg, turn off the TV, turn off notifications on your phone, etc.)
3. Set a timer for 5-10 minutes and close your eyes or gaze downward in front of you.
4. Focus on some aspect of your breath. It could be sensations of your lungs filling and emptying, or maybe the feeling of air coming in and out of your nose. This will be your reference point for your attention. (We frequently use breath not because it’s relaxing, but because you’re always breathing, so it makes for a convenient present-moment anchor for your attention. Don’t try to change your breath, just focus in on it.)
5. Soon enough, other stuff will start pulling your attention away: thoughts, physical sensations, external sounds, etc. This part is inevitable, and it provides the opportunity for developing flexibility and mindfulness. As soon as you notice it, great! That’s a key first step. Without judging yourself harshly, recognize that you got pulled away by some thought or feeling, notice briefly what it was, and then gently return your attention to the present-moment anchor (your breath).
That’s it! The point isn’t to maintain absolutely perfect, never-wavering attention on your breath (which, if you have a working brain, you won’t be able to do anyway). If you notice your mind wanders 100 times, then just gently bring it back to the present-moment anchor 100 times.
Every time that you notice, then observe the stream of information that pulled you away, and flexibly re-direct your attention, you essentially complete a ‘rep.’ And of course each rep only continues to add to the strength of your developing skill.
If you want more practice, or if you have a hard time with breath-focused exercises (common for people with ADHD or history of some trauma), try more active forms of mindfulness practice. Pick something active and use it as your present-moment anchor. And when you notice your thoughts taking over, acknowledge that you noticed, let those thoughts or sensations hang out, and gently bring your attention back to the present activity.
You might try this with things like taking a walk, eating or cooking a meal, washing dishes, showering, watching the wind blow the trees–really, anything that gives you a recurring, active present-moment anchor to bring your attention back to.
Good luck with your mindfulness practice! This can be quite helpful for general mental health and especially for some of the things that bring people to therapy. For example, mindfulness has been shown to be helpful for depression, and for anxiety and related issues. It can also help individuals better respond to the distressing emotions that are part of disordered eating, or improve their performance in a valued endeavor. The professionals at Full Color Psychology also specialize in working with faith transitions and the mental health problems they can create, another area where the skill of mindfulness greatly aids in restoring a sense of grounding and balance in a person’s life as they feel destabilized.
If you’d like more help, reach out to us today with your questions, or to set up a therapy appointment.
